You would have been six three months from now
We could have had the same birth month
Remembering you makes my throat chunky
And my breathing hard
What could have been your first word?
We could have had cuddles in the morning and at night
Imagining those scenes is impossible.
I never saw your face
I never heard you laugh or cry
I actually never felt you
No heartbeat has touched your fragile heart.
But, my child, I have loved you in your unformed being
I hold you dear still in my innermost
I even miss you
My tears I cannot hold in reminiscing memories that never happened.
It still hurts.
You are my first child, not first born, but my child.